Ruined

Welp.  Two years without an entry.  Hi feeq.  You're back, i'll let you know about what's missing between 2 years (spoiler:nothing) but for now, I need to let my heart screams.

Have you ever felt cheated? Have you ever felt you're not good enough?  Have you ever felt that it is all a lies?  Have you ever felt that you make the wrong decisions? Have you ever felt like you need a time machine?  I felt all of it.

I thought we had everything.  I thought we were invincible.  I thought we are meant to be.  I thought that you are the one.  I thought that this is the beginning to the never-ending story.  And i never thought i am wrong.  Deeply wrong.

How could you let this be?  After all this while, i still can't capture what i want the most from you. Your heart. I want your heart. But no.  I can't.  This is all a lie. 

Why would you do this feeq?  How can you let your life slip out of your control?  What will you do now?  What can you do now?  You have no control over the situations.

I feel betrayed.

Are we clear now?

My last entry sparks some surprising reaction from multitude of people. Most of them disagrees. While those who agreed mostly they're on the fence.

Well,here's the real story,the point is to avoid those people gossips or and judging me even more.

4 years ago,I have this special feelings with this one girl. Let's call her, S (bukan nama sebenar). I've met her online,I befriended with her and ultimately fall in love with her.

Everything was great,we laughed,cried,happy and sad together. We've met occasionally and our love feels even stronger everytime we've met. We thought we're gonna last forever. We thought we were invincible. And we thought we were made for each other.

I even told my parents (read: my whole family) about her. It took me maybe 2 month into the relationship to tell my family about it. No fuss,no worry,not scared,not afraid. I'm really sure she's the one.

While it took me 2 month to tell my parents about it,she took nearly 3 (read: tiga, three, drei, san,) years to told her parents about me. Talk about sincerity.

And then S went to the university. She like it there,she still is. The best university in Malaysia (or so she said). It was fine,I was happy for her. She made a tons of friends. She's happy.

But there's only one tiny little problem,she got carried away <--- is that even a word? (Editted: thanks Ali) Or hanyut. Or whatever it is in english. She slowly started to leave me bit by bit.

Which I tried to understand,but no. She started to take me for granted. Jap cakap melayu.

Mula mula dia macam jarang message which probably fine if tak selalu,but masa cuti pun sama,kalau nak jumpa bersua muka apalah lagi. Kitorang LDR,which means sangat sangat sangat susah nak jumpa. And everytime i've got the chance to meet her,she'll refuse to meet me without a concrete reasons. I mean come on la, I from kedah pergi kl berapa kali la sangat sekarang,and dia pun balik kl berapa kali la sangat setahun,tapi bila dua dua ada kat kl,the probability to ask her out is like 1 over 10 for her to say yes. Kena merayu macam peminta sedekah utk pujuk dia jumpa.

Come on la,do you even love me?

Which i still can tahan anyway. I too,am not perfect and fully realised that. I made a few mistakes along the way. I hurt her feelings and much much more. And for that fully apologize dan sedar my kesalahan.

And then,few month ago, we had a problem. I complain about her behaviour (yang macam nak layan taknak layan tu), and I GAVE HER A CHANCE TO CHOOSE.

I told her,that if she thinks she wanna treat me like that,just untie me. Release me from this relationship. I don't wanna be treated like that anymore. I'm not an option. I'm not your toy,only to find me when you're bored.

But if she think she changed,then don't break up with me.

Come on guys,you guys think kitorang breakup sebab I ada another girl? Haha. Well then think again.

She CHOSE to breakup with me. You read that right. You can ask her. Don't ask her friends,mereka mengumpat tapi tak tahu cerita. Ask herself.

And then,after that,there's million of time I beg. I even cried on the phone asking her to forgive me and asking her to get back with me. She turned me down. She's the one who choose to ignore me. She said it's better to be her friend.

Which I agreed sometimes after that (patah hati woi). So we were friends. A good one that is. We tried to become as what friends would do for other friends. I thought i'm okay. And i'm single btw.

Then,I baik with this new girl. Lets call her "N". N was there for me. She comfort me all the time. She's always text me,always there for me. I know she love me but at first I can't accept it. But lama lama,i too, fell for her.

Technically i'm single, and she loves me. Ada pepatah cakap better sayang orang yang sayang kita dari sayang orang yang kita sayang tapi tak sayang kita.

Well i chose N. S is great,still is and we're still friend. But maybe she's not really the one. But N is more suited for me I guess. I love her and I think she is the real one for me.

Pray for me friends.

Clone , Titan , Love life.

Hey there, Entah kenapa harini tetiba rasa nak menulis something. Come on feeq,think something to write. Think something clever. Short but clever. Nope didn't have anything to write. Okay bye.

 Ah okay,how about these new apps that's i've been experimenting? OR how about an overview about Attack on Titan?  Or this new love? (jeng jeng jeng)

 How about all of the above? One each paragraph,ok that's better. It's not like kau update this blog everyday pun feeq.

 But first i need my usb cable to transfer some of the photos from my phone for this entry. Tak syoklah takde gambar ye tak? Oh wait mana cable. Oh okay. Found it. Gosh why kena tulis ni feeq? this isn't twitter. #BloggersPerluTahu

 Haritu nampak satu gambar kat instagram ni, dia macam clone kan diri dia, macam cool lah. Feeq tanya lah apps apa namanya tapi si tuan punya tak jawab. Takpelah, bukannya tak reti google kan, so gua cari lah apps dekat android. Banyak namanya split camera, dubbler dan banyak lagi lah. Tapi tak syok dan susah guna. Sampailah ternampak satu apps ni. Nampak cantik tapi kena bayar lah. Clone Camera namanya. Untuk noob photoshop cam feeq ni memang okay sangatlah kan. So ni link playstore kalau korang nak tengok tengok Click SINI. Tapi kena bayarlah. Support ori,kalau nak pirate carilah sendiri, hang ingat feeq hang punya hamba ka nak cari? Takde lah. Here it is click here untuk jack sparrow version .

Dua resaksa berlawanan menggunakan clone camera

Ok next, Attack On Titan. Mula mula i heard this from one of my friend. She said this is probably the best anime in 2013. I heard her. I didn't care at first because I'm not an anime person sangat. Yes i watch Naruto,Bleach,One Piece and FairyTail but nampak tak, i just watched mainstream anime. That is until i saw couple of post about Attack On Titan on 9Gag and Kotaku.com. Just i decided to try it la. It's about the Hero called Eren who's determined to kill all the titan after they killed his mother. Humankind faced a new enemy called titan ranging from 5 metre to (spoiler) 50 metre human-like monster. These titan just killed human with no absolute reasons. And that forced the remaining survivor to build a city protected by a hugeeeeeee wall surrounding their city. Ye la to halang those titan from entering the city. For 100 years no titan has ever comes into the city. That is until...go watch it yourself la. I give this anime 10/10. Every episode ada killer moment dia. I mean EVERY SINGLE DAMN EPISODE.

This is them if it was real. Imagine this thing chews your  own mother right in front of you.

And for those who are confused, don't worry. I am too. Things just gone complicated. This picture right here gonna make it even complicated,it'll break some heart and makes the other one whole, but hey, just chillout and enjoy life okay? A little drama here and there couldn't hurt.

Comelnya laki tu <3